Sunday, October 29, 2006

What Happened to all the Politics?

You might be wondering what has happened to the political commentary that used to make up the backbone of this Blog. Do I no longer care about politics? Have I become a citizen of another country? Have I switched parties? No, no, nothing like that. I still care a great deal about politics but with all of the drama in my life for the past year none of it seemed important enough to write about.

I have been following the current election very closely and I plan on voting. I will vote correctly for all issues, candidates and initiatives. You might be wondering what my take is on this current election, and then again maybe you don't care. Either way here is what I have been thinking.

Let me state that I think the Democrats will win back the Congress and here is why this is a good thing. First, I think that Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will make wonderful leaders and they will finally be able to solve some really pesky problems that we have been facing, here are a few examples:

1. They will finally be able to impeach the president! This is a long time coming. I know that the proceedings will be very long and drawn out but they will really help the ratings of CBS news. In fact, they will finally have a use for those documents they found.

2. We will get many more congressional investigations on just about any topic you please. It will be great! There is tons of things to investigate about the Iraq war, terrorism and the economy. We will finally figure out how the president is able to manipulate the price of gas for his political gain. We will finally get all those secret documents about Dick Cheney's meeting with "Big Oil."

3. The Iraq war will be over! If they hurry we can get our troops out before Saddam is murdered by our puppet Iraqi government and he can be put back into power. Once he is back then everything in the Middle East will be right as rain.

4. Osama Bin Laden will be released from the secret CIA prison that he has been in for years. We will offer to pay damages for holding him without due process. He will be grateful to the new Democratic leadership and end all anti-American activities.

5. Global Warming will (slowly) be solved. To be sure, there will be many congressional hearing on the issue (see #2 above). Al Gore's movie will be required viewing for all of Congress and, who knows, Al might get to do a live presentation. This will, of course, lead to important new environmental laws that will solve this looming crisis. This will be very expensive, but all the new tax revenue coming in from repealing all those tax cuts, we will be able afford it.

6. Our dependence on foreign oil will continue. Sure, we will spend a lot on alternative sources of energy, but this will take time. It will be wonderful to know that the frozen wastes of Alaska will be safe from the Cheneyites who would destroy it for our energy independence. The real solution to this issue is to use less not develop more.

7. North Korea and Iran will become our friends (again). Everyone knows that our problems with these two nations is of our own (president Bush's) making. Once the president is a true lame duck these friendly nations will be willing to talk with us about the "bomb" thing.

8. It will be OK to hate the Jews again. Israel will be mercilessly pressed into some huge concessions that only they will have to abide by. If we keep this up we can negotiate them out of existence.

9. We will stop calling terrorists "terrorists" and recognize that they are merely another facet of a diverse world. It is important that we celebrate diversity and understand different cultures. We should not try to change people. If it is normal for people to show their displeasure with the current socio-economic conditions in which they live by blowing up innocent people we should not pass judgment but instead we should feel grateful we live in such interesting times.

10. The most important reason why having the Democrats win in 2006 is that it gives us 2 years to get it out of our system before we do something really stupid like elect Al Gore or Hillary president.